Not mulled wine, mold whine.
There has been a lot of confusion as of late about the term “mold whine”. Frequently when thrown out in conversation, ears perk and eyes twinkle as standers-by envision warm wine with citrus, cloves, and mulling spice medleys over-flowething their cups. Well, then it gets awkward because you have to pull on your grim reaper hood and massacre the joy in the room when you say, uhhhh no. I just discovered I have a colony of mold in my bathroom and now I’m doing the… mold whine. get it? At this point your peers will recede in disappointment. Unfortunately, your mold colony is not so easily deterred. But bad puns aside, mulled wine makes for a wonderful pairing with mold whine, for if you are given occasion to do the mold wine, you’ll probably want some mulled wine to go with it. Heavy on the wine!
For the boy who cried mold,
Dear boy, I wanted to write to you first before the remediators flooded in through hell and high mold to perform what is essentially an exorcism on your abode. I’m sure you’ve heard of your friend, boy who cried wolf; he was a liar, or else legally blind and paranoid. I trust that you are neither of the aforementioned so maybe you just don’t know. If you think you see mold in your home, studies show there is a 3% chance that it is not mold but that it is possibly soot. For the 97% of you who are ruled out of being Cinderella, you have discovered mold. You may now do the mold whine.
The moral here is, don’t let wolf boy throw you off, mold boy is on to something. As the great Homeland Security once said, “If you see something, say something.” We’d also like to add, “If you smell something, say something.” Or a personal favorite, “If you’re bathtub is psychedelic pink and orange, your ceiling crepe-like, and you suffer neurological trauma upon walking in your front door, say something.”
We mold over… mulled over some tips to give on how to identify if there is mold in your home. We decided, instead of painting a series of mold images with words, we’d curate a small gallery of what mold may look like in your home.
*Please note, the following images are NOT contemporary modern art, they are mold. If you see any of the following in your
home, you did not suddenly become Larry Gagosian, you probably just have a serious mold problem… sorry.
It does almost feel as if you are walking through a fancy art gallery! that is probably just the neurological damage taking effect, and you should probably leave your house immediately. For more inconspicuous mold colonies, you’ll have to rely on your old sniffer. There really isn’t any smell quite like a mold smell so if you think you smell mold, you proooobabblyyyyy have mold. And now, the guerrilla hunt starts.
In guerrilla mold hunting, you’ll need to go behind enemy lines. Think like a mold spore, what do they like, how do they survive? We consulted a veteran mold fighter and this is what they had to say:
You see this here? This is my purple mold spore, I was awarded this after defeating one of the nastiest colonies you’ve never heard of. Took some lung damage from it but… I’m getting off track. Here is what you need to know. Mold, mold is an ugly son of a spore and it knows it. Mold doesn’t like to be seen so it camps out in the dark. It also needs a warm, moist environment. I’m talking at least 70 degrees Fahrenheit and a moisture level above 55%. Those guys are going to need food to grow. Wood, drywall, cotton. All nectar of life to mold. If you’re suspicious of a mold invasion on your homeland, check in all the usual spots first, warm, dark, moisture rich areas. Under sinks, bathrooms, basements, attics, these are some of the usual spots. If they can’t be spotted there, it might be they have gotten behind the walls or under the carpets. In these cases, you’ll need to call in backup. If you’re in to do some of the fighting yourself, I recommend you gear up with some bleach, vinegar, and Borax! Ooh Rah!
Thank you, general. And thank you for your service, we can all breathe easier because of you.
So, really mold can grow in A LOT of places in your home, even on your clothes! If you spot some modern art in your bathroom, this is fairly normally; and if it is on a non-porous surface like a painted wall, you can simply wipe it off with some bleach or vinegar. If you have more of a full on modern art installation going on in your home, or you find mold on a porous surface, like un-painted drywall, you’ll need to call in a professional for remediation. We recommend not touching mold, especially any mold that might be considered a “colony”. disturbing the mold can spread spores and release mycotoxins. If you don’t know what mycotoxins are, Google with caution; or know we doubt you want them partying in your lungs.
Now that you are absolutely terrified, lets talk about how you can prevent mold from shacking up with you. Below is a simple list of ways you can keep mold down and neuro-function up!
- Bathrooms and kitchens are steamy places. Guess who likes steam! If you have fans (If your home passes code at all you have fans), use them!
- Ventilate your home. Opens doors and windows often, keep a cross breeze going, weather permitting. When buying a home make sure your home is equipped to ventilate properly, parapet walls have vents, roof venting is to code, your dryer is properly venting out of the house, etc.
- If you experience a leak, flood, or any water damage to your home, make sure the clean up is thorough and that all damaged materials are either completely dried out or replaced. You don’t want that to come back and haunt you. It will. And it will be a mold ghost.
- Reduce the condensation in your home. If you consistently see condensation in your home, it is a dewy sign that you are now a candidate in the race for mold. You can remedy this by making sure your home is properly insulated, put fittings on pipes, and if necessary get a dehumidifier.
- Don’t leave your laundry in the washing machine. If you are in a living situation where in you share a communal laundry room, you should definitely not do this because it is rude. Turns out, it also causes mold to grow on your clothes because mold eats cotton. Wet laundry left in machine = warm, dark, wet, cotton = mold paradise. Just. Don’t. Do. It. If you mess up, and we all mess up, but if you mess up and do the number one laundry don’t, wash your clothes again with detergent and 2 cups of vinegar.
That was mold 101 folks! They don’t offer this credit at any university or institute for higher education, but it IS important and Build Urban gives you much due credit for your studiousness. BU wishes you good luck out there! It’s a spore-filled world, but with your newly acquired knowledge, days of mold whine are not in your future. For you, only mulled wine shall over-floweth your cup!