Le Bain. Because c’est la vie
Don’t worry, that is as French as it’s going to get, because when I think French, I think fries, and then remember I’m woefully under-Frenched. SO, for those of you, like me, who are closet Google translators, allow me to save you a step, since I’ve already done the leg work. Le bain (lay bane) = the bath. Because (b cuz) = because. C’est la vie (say la v) = this is life. Roughly translating to, we are going to talk about the bath today because BATHS ARE LIFE!!!
For the non-bathlievers out there, allow me to clarify that by bath, I mean showers AND baths. So if you aren’t a religious bather, that’s okay, you’re busy, maybe the tub is dirty, maybe you don’t have any wine and Enya is not your jam so whats the point? But everyone (I hope) can relate to the subliminal ecstasy of a hot shower, and not only are they a pleasurable part of our daily routine, they are necessary so we are clean, and smell nice, and rinse off all the germs as to not perpetuate illness. So, I repeat, BATHS ARE LIFE. And we all want a quality life, so if we are getting to the root of it, we all want a quality bath. The bath should not be le bain of our existence! (had to) So lets explore some life-enhancing bath upgrades that will surely give rise to an Oh là là!
Let’s start with shower upgrades to ease those bath skeptics in. Wedi systems! They have nothing to do with wetting the bed; unless you jump directly from shower to bed without toweling off, in which case you are just irresponsible. Wedi Systems are leak-proof, mold-proof tile backboards. Wedi is laid down by your masonry gal/guy before the tile is laid, and it is not only for your shower; Wedi can go under any tile to protect against leaking, mold, and help the tiles to lay flush. Wedi is lightweight and easy to install, the backerboards and shower pans are made of XPS Extruded polystyrene foam core. Whhaaattt?? If you’re too cool to say “Wedi” in front of your friends, which is just too bad because at BU we can’t say it enough, but if you are too cool, you can always say, “This is my XPS Extruded polystyrene foam core shower system.” Mic drop.
Have you always wanted to live the European life? You’re in luck Madame o’ Monsieur because in European, life = bath! A European bath is not a wanton activity you do in the afternoons, it’s so much better because it is a permanent fixture in your house, and is still, dare I say? I do! SEXY. A European bath is a loose term, but what has been popularized as of late is a shower and bath tub in the same enclosed area, which basically just looks like a giant shower with a bathtub in it. Why is this so great? Aside from the fact that it looks awesome from a design standpoint, it can act as a personal spa. Think hot, steamy bath, COLD SHOWER, hot, steamy bath, COLD SHOWER! That is a Russian spa people! In your house! Only minus the vodka, but there is certainly no reason you can’t add the vodka. People with wee ones, this is your calling too, the kids can bathe while you shower! Maybe leave the vodka out of this one though. For those sane people who like to extend their showering AS long as possible, that tub can act as a nice little bench if you need to take a break and just soak it all in. For those of you that need a little visual aid, check out some of these tubwers… showubs… let’s just stick with European baths. Check ’em out!
We’re doing it, we’re going full bathtub. To infinity, and bathe on! When you’ve circled back around from your eye roll, let me justify, I only threw Buzz in there because he speaks of infinity anddddd, yes, infinity bathtubs ARE a thing. A great thing, the best thing. Once you go infinity, you’ll have no choice but to bathe on. These tubs lend to ultimate relaxation. The design allows water to overflow the edge of the tub into a channel where it is then pumped back around into the tub and kept heated by an in-line heater. A complementary bath tune has even been provided for your bathing pleasure. Spoiler alert, it’s Watermark by Enya, because obviously. Infinity bathtubs are larger than average tubs, usually 6-8′ allowing for full body immersion. The tubs come in many shapes and can be installed to lay flush with a tile or stone surround, or even be flush with the floor so that you are stepping down into the bath, imitating a natural pool.
A NOTE FOR NOVICE BATHERS:
- Soak time should not exceed 20-30 minutes.
- Do not bring electronic devise in or around the bath, especially with you in the bath.
- Doctors recommend those who are pregnant don’t take hot baths. Doctors further recommend those who are pregnant should not take hot baths with vodka that exceed 30 minutes.
- If you are drinking and bathing, limit your drinking to 2 glasses of wine. The hot bath puts physical pressure on our bodies causing our hearts to work faster and stronger, thus circulating blood faster, thus circulating alcohol faster. Also, if you have the capacity to exceed 2 glasses of wine in a 20 minute bath, you are possibly a superior human, and maybe this rule doesn’t apply to you.
- Clothing is optional.
- Relax. Relax. Relax.